buzzfeed:

*deep sigh of contentment*

10 minutes ago via evapilot04 ( source BuzzFeed ) with 68773

humorqueen:

itsraininbritishmen:

wwhatevver-ampora:

yoiplait:

terms for penis you should not use in fics:

  • love stick
  • doinker
  • schlong
  • wankie
  • ding dong
  • 100% all-beef thermometer
  • bologna pony
  • stinky pickle
  • magic wand
  • divine rod
  • love muscle
  • power drill
  • captain winky
  • yogurt slinger
  • DNA rifle 

YOGURT SLINGER.
DNA RIFLE.
I’M LAUGHING WAY TO LOUD TO BE HEALTHY.

  • 100% all-beef thermometer

this is the best thing i have ever seen in my life

girl: babe come over
boy: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple
girl: my parents aren't home
boy: I know

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

shattystrashstache:

real friendship is sending them a link to something terrible so you can both be traumatized at the same time

amber-spirit:

watermellyn:

my uncle is a vet assistant and he also puppy sits for clients when they go on vacation

erernjaeger:

when u watch ur favorite character getting heartbroken and u can feel ur own heart part like moses parted the sea

littleyaoithings:

Yes I support gay rights.

Yes I would care if you died.

No I’m not going to reblog that post.

i just burned 1200 calories (i forgot the pizza in the oven)

epic-vines:

When tree branches get in my way

Vine by: Logan Paul

17 minutes ago via superzelda ( source epic-vines ) with 26960
18 minutes ago via gaytectives ( source dadadadadam ) with 10943

bryanstars:

if you say your hair has never annoyed you to the point of wanting to shave your head you’re lying

waywardcastiel:

i hate it when you’re walking along and you suddenly become really self-conscious about the way you are walking so you concentrate on walking normally and just end up like

image

HW